Awan hilang, bulan dipandang
Kau pun tiba di jelingannya
Bila taman rimbun berseri
Mari kanda gemala hati

Bagai mahu kiranya hati ini dipercandakan
Bagaikan angin yang melanda, malahan ku rasa

Gangguan di fikiran ini
Gelombang muncul bersilangan
Pabila ku merindui
Yang ku rayu bayanganmu

Dia hilang di rundung malang
Dikau pulang lari darinya
Bila teman rindu bersemi
Hilang rasa menikam hati

Bagai mahu kiranya lena ini dipersendakan
Rindu ku semakin melarat, malahan ku rasa

Terganggu di fikiran ku
Gelombang bersilangan
Pabila ku merinduimu
Yang ku rayu bayanganmu

Gangguan di fikiran ini
Yang muncul bersilang-silangan
Pabila ku merinduimu
Yang ku rayu bayanganmu

Salam...

It's been a while I aint reveal how I feel at the moment.  It seems like yesterday I broke up and that major break-up seemed so major.  Although I don't give so much thought about that right now (Thank God), but it gave certain impact on my life.

I made myself fully occupied with works, business and some shopping spree all these while which I truthfully enjoy very much.  But then again, I forgot the part that's important to me... my heart, my feelings.

God knows having what we have now will never be enough - especially for mere mortal like us.  I caught myself realizing these when I entertained a very good friend, Sharon who came to Kuching for the first time last week.  A very good friend of mine since we were introduced by errrr... ourselves back in 95.

I took a vacation myself by entertaining "her" visiting Kuching for the first time. Gosh... I really need a vacation myself.  And most of the time we talked about stuff we've been through together back at Uni and other events in our life.  That's when Sharon played songs of yesteryears that we loved, shared a whole lot of thoughts.  I caught myself evaluating what happen in my life...

Having these conversation with Sharon made me realized that, not only I worked damn hard, I use my business to take things off my head, especially in the love department.  With these, I noticed that I really miss someone.  Someone close to me back at my hometown. We have mild flirtations for months but nothing happen.  Not because I don't like him, not because he's not handsome enough for my taste, not because he's not good enough, not because he's too young for me. But because I was too busy settling stuff here and there, nailing business deals, signing some projects, lobbying my business to potential clients as well as making some times to learn and improve myself.

I officially missed him.

Damn. I now realize I should start dating again.  That's what I thought what's been missing all these while. So I promise myself to really go for it with him. Because I believe I like him too and I should give myself a chance.  I want to make a confession to him, about what I feel, how I feel, about us.  All of my relationship back then initiated by the guy, not me. Never.

But not this time, not this one. I'm gonna change that routine. I wanna make the first move. I wanna tell him the truth about how I feel.  I wanna confess. I wanna take charge.  Because a wise young man used to tell me that if you follow the same routine in your life, you will only experience the same result. Nothing will change.  So now I wanna change the routine.

Back in my hometown, I met him. Yes, I met him on a regular basis here, I met him almost every single day when I'm in town. So when we finally have the chance for a chat, we started to flirt. These flirtatious games seem right and I enjoy the ride.

While talking to him, I popped the question, "...By the way, I was invited to this fashion party on Thursday, the invitation said that I should bring someone. It's a plus-one invitation. Would you mind being my plus one for the party?"

He paused and I spotted the change of his expression then he said, "Errr... I would love that but errr... I already promise my girlfriend to take her out to dinner."

It was like the bomb has exploded. I tried to compose and excuse myself. Gosh... why now? Why must he at least give a hint that he's not available. It's like a huge explosion in my head.  And now I know I have to back off.  Sealed off the feelings I have and never expose it again.  I felt so fragile and it really broke my heart.  But I thank God, at least I know now than it's too late.  And I thank God I never reveal further than I should.